Shine on!

Dear Sparkly Eyed Girl,

Sometimes we feel like there is nothing left in the world that we can count on...like everything will fail us, disappoint us and leave us feeling abandoned.

Sometimes we forget that the sun is so pretty when it comes up, and so spectacular as it is going down...sometimes we can go weeks without ever noticing the beautiful show that is going on in the sky every morning and every night. Sometimes we stop noticing entirely all that is going on for us every single day.

Without fail, the sun rises every day and goes to bed every night.......only to come up again the next morning. The seasons come and the seasons go....new plants show up and fruit grows on trees. The mountains fill with snow and the lakes and rivers fill with water. This has been going on for thousands of years.

Yet sometimes we let confusing times of our lives lead us to believe that we have been abandoned, left behind or forgotten.

All around us is proof that the world is kind and good, that life supports us and that there is light to be found in the darkness. Often we are left alone by people or things that were once companions to us, but we are never left entirely alone.

There is always something good and true to be learned. Sometimes being “alone” is our very best teacher so that we can learn the deepest truths that come in the blessed silence that is left when we are in new parts of our lives.

Look around today, sweet friend, at all of the things that have been hard to see and to remember lately. Know that just like the sun, you get to rise tomorrow and start a brand new day...with the opportunity to light up the world with your own light, which is one of the greatest happinesses of all, one that can never be taken from us.

You are so spectacular, and so loved.
Shine on, beautiful girl!

Music is good for my soul!

I love music! I always have the radio on, in the house in the car. When the kids and I are driving, I turn a good song up and they each play an air instrument, drums, guitar, fiddle, piano, even the occasional harmonica, and everyone sings. You might think I'm crazy but I love it and I'm pretty sure they love it too! Sometimes we break out the microphones (water bottles, lotion bottles, anything we have handy). We don't care what the people in the car next to us think and we have even seen people singing the same songs! I love all music, but my #1 pick would be country. But as long as I can get a story out of the song or if it relates to my life somehow, then I will listen to it. Reba McEntire is my absolute favorite! That woman has a song for every occasion and feeling. If you have made an impression, good or bad, in my life, then there is a song that reminds me of you, guaranteed. I was seeing a guy (Sorry you didn't know Mom), and now that its over, he has a song, he has a couple actually! Now, not every part of every song relates to my life but, "She wasn't good enough for him" by Reba McEntire and "Best Days of you Life" by Kellie Pickler are the top picks! I could go on and on about music and tell you songs, I feel like my whole life is a musical! ha ha ha You can YouTube the songs if you feel like it, or not! I try everyday to be strong, but after you've been burned its hard to imagine everyone isn't going to do that to you.

The Camping Story

Remember this is not a feel sorry me moment, just an incite into my feelings. Sometimes I feel this loneliness, so empty inside. I don’t know if it comes from being married for 12 yrs, or if I just can’t stand to be alone. But I hate being alone. I mean I don’t mind driving to work alone, or grocery shopping alone, or even watching a movie alone. I’m not scared of being alone, I just don’t like the feeling of not having someone to share things with. As a teenage I craved being with people, which at times got me into a bit of trouble! But even then I didn’t like to be alone. I am a bit of a social butterfly, I like crowds, I like social events, I enjoy them, I enjoy people. So where do these feelings come from? I grew up in a large family, 8 kids, so I was rarely alone. But I don’t notice that my siblings are the same way. Don’t crave it like I do. Concerts, state and county fairs, party’s and any gathering! I want to be there! I was married for quite a while before I realized that certain people I was related to didn’t like me, and I was angry for a while, then I did what I could to cope with it, I did my best to avoid them. If we were at the same event I would sit on the opposite side of the room form them and after a while I started Skipping events I knew they would be at, just so I wouldn’t have to pretend we got along. But it was always expected that I attend all family events. I tried to get out of going, once in a while I would get by on an excuse but more often then not, I went. I started resenting going to gatherings. I quit going to everything, I was afraid I would have to pretend and I was so tired of pretending. Once in a while they would ask “why isn’t Becky here?” most of the time they were probably glad I didn’t go. So The Family has a big reunion every summer, every summer they get together and I don’t want to go! I do what a good wife is supposed to do, I buy the groceries and cook the food and prepare to go, I am dreading it. I don’t mean a little, I mean like knots in my stomach, dreading it. I get all the camping stuff out, its in a pile on the lawn waiting to get loaded. All the clothes are packed, everything is ready. Everything that is except me. I’m not going. It won’t be a big deal if I skip this one. I’ll just stay home. I beg and plead as the truck is loaded. No, The Cowboy says, If you don’t go, nobody goes. Just take the kids for a couple days, let me stay home, no one will even care! No, The Cowboy says, we all go. Period. He won’t budge, all the kids want to go, so again I do what I should and go pack my bag and we all go. I’m mad, I’m upset, why make someone go to something they don’t want to attend? Ok I tell myself, just make the most of it. Just avoid the people who don’t like you and visa versa! It’ll be over before you know it. Most of the week wasn’t a big deal. I can put on a smile and muddle though most anything. The last day was a Saturday and I was ready to go home. We were going to eat lunch and pack the truck and go, no hurry(I was in a hurry!) The eating area had 3 large tables all running the same direction. Over the last table was a large wall tent all the walls down except for the side open to the other tables. Now remember how well I get along with everyone and its lunch time, I decide I’m eating with the kids! All of the adults and teenagers at the middle table and the kids and I at the table covered by the tent. In the middle of lunch I pick up a grape and throw it at a teenage girl, it hit her in the head and she turned around and wanted to know who did it. Of course all the kids pointed to me said it was Becky! Ha ha ha we all laughed and finished our lunch. Now most of the kids had gone their way and I was still sitting at the table, The Cowboy comes over to sit and talk to me. Minding our own business, I’m counting the minutes until we leave and he’s happy just visiting. Most of the adults are still sitting at the other table. And then it happens, a full glass of water thrown right in my face. One of the Brother-In-Laws had thrown a glass of water at me. Nobody moves, nobody but me. I jump up and yell “what was that for?” You threw grapes at us! Back and forth we yelled and argued before I walked away so close to tears, so close to saying things that shouldn’t be said at such a fine family gathering. All the while The Cowboy never said a word. To his own family. Not a word. Well I didn’t throw grapes at them, a 10 yr old boy was on the other side of the tent and had been throwing them over the tent and they were hitting the adults. He later apologized to me. He was the only one. I finished packing our stuff and gathered our kids, told them to get to the truck and stay there. I found The Cowboy and said I’m going home if you want to join me. He said, yeah give me a minute. I said no, I’m leaving now, or you can find a ride with someone else. He followed me to the truck and we left, but not before the Wicked Witch tried to give me a hug. It’s a good 3 hr trip home, luckily the kids were tired and fell asleep so I didn’t have to keep them from killing each other. I didn’t talk for the 1st 2 hours. Just sat and stared. And he probably wished I didn’t talk at all after that! So that is my story of why its hard to be around people, I love people, just not those people.

Cowboy in the City

I took the kids to Ann Morrison Park in Boise yesterday, we went to visit a girl friend who is doing some training for work. We were walking through the park, 4 kids and 2 adults. If you have ever been to Ann Morrison Park you know that frisbie golf is big there, they have a whole course and alot of people play. As we were walking down the path we stopped to let a few guys throw their frisbies (otherwise they would have been throwing them at our heads!) This big buff guy with tatoos stopped and talked to us, he looked at Gus with his fresh stitches on his chin and said "Man! what happened to you?"
Gus said "What? This?" and points to his chin.
The guy says "No not your chin, your neck, yes your chin!!"
Gus said "Oh I got bucked off a calf" (like no big deal, it happens everyday).
Then the guy is staring in awe at him, "You got bucked offf a calf? Where? At your house?"
"No, at a rodeo".
"You were in a rodeo and got bucked off a calf? Really?"
"Yeah and he scratched my side too"
"Man! You must be really tough!"
After some chit chat we went our seperate ways, I told Gus, that guy thought you were so cool! Gus wasn't too sure about it, I think we got him convinced though!

Room of Many Colors

You've all heard the Dolly Parton song a Coat of Many Colors? Well my Mom is painting a room of many colors! She has a good sized room in the basement and we have decided to make it into a kids play room, that is since the all the kids have moved out, again! The room originally belonged to me the to my sisters but lately was my little sisters, Laura's room and so it was painted pink. After its last tenants moved out, the room needed a slight makeover, so begins the painting! Those of you who know me well, know that I LOVE to paint, I really do!  But my mom has enlisted the help of her grandchildren while I'm at work. Yesterday was my first venture into the room to help paint. So get this picture in your head, we have an old cement bench foundation to work with so the benchh top is dark brown, the lower wall is light blue with a thick base board at the bottom. the top wall is mostly pink, one section is a different blueish green. There is an open closet area that has been painted a light brown. The floor is the next project I believe.  We are going to paint a hopscotch and a checker board on the floor. All of this was done with paint either me or my mom already had, which is why so many colors were used! After it is all done I will post pictures, it does have a cement floor so lots of pillows are in order! Can you imagine having a room like this when you were a kid? It has a book shelf and a TV in one corner. We will have to do something creative on the door! Everytime we go down to paint, Oakley sings while she plays with the little kitchen set, she must love it too!

I Believe

I get my hopes up a lot! and I do mean a lot! therefore my hopes get smashed a lot! But this is a list of things I hope and things I believe, just a small slice.
I believe that people are good.
I believe I have friends that would do anything for me.
I believe that my mom loves me more then life.
I believe that if I get a flat tire (which I can change) that someone will offer to change it for me.
I believe in opening doors for people.
I believe that kids need more love and more discipline.
I believe camping is good for the soul.
I believe that if you don't love what you do, you will be miserable your whole life.
I believe that family should stand by you, no matter what.
I believe that a home cooked meal will cure any mood.
I believe Mother-In-Laws are mean to protect their own children.
But I also believe that if you have taken the steps to be part of a family, you should be treated like that, part of the family.
I believe in standing up for somebody, even if its to your own family.
I believe in late night phone calls.
I believe music is good for my soul.
I believe kids should have responsibilities.
I believe being angry all the time will eventually kill you.
I believe that if you are never happy then your kids won't be either.
I believe people get stuck on themselves and forget about others.
I believe in good friends.
I believe that children's laughter is magical.
I believe in being upfront and honest.
I believe in learning how to sew and how to can food.
I believe you get what you give.
I believe in knowing when to keep your mouth shut and when to speak up.

The Mountains

I went to the mountains yesterday and had an amazing time! The kids played in the creek, hiked, and just drove us crazy at times! They played hard all afternoon and still had the energy to keep going all the way home, talking, laughing and playing. Where does the energy come from? We drove to the top of the mountain and we could see forever, it was beautiful! On the way home we looked for wildlife and saw a few turkeys and a couple of deer. Oh don't forget the bovine on the road! The littlest had to pee (for the 100th time) so we stopped at the reservoir to use the restroom and the kids had to go swimming again! We finally got them loaded again and headed home. What a great day!